"My Breast -er Best Delivery"

This is a totally true story...

November 18, 2002

I'm delivering food last night at the restaurant, and get a call to this place I've delivered before (we get lot's of repeats). Last time, it was like 20-something punk rocker types all stoned. Anyways, I arrive at their door, with my motor still running. This hot hot polynesian rocker type answers. She is tight, wearing a tank, tight pants and has a ton of tattoos including a playboy bunny on her chest. She says "Are you the pizza guy?" I say "No, I'm the filet minon guy" (i was). She dazzedly (obviously fucked up) hands me some cash and says "I don't have enough to tip you... Will this do?" She pulls down her top to reveal two beautiful perky breasts... My mouth drops.

Now you must understand, in the next two seconds MANY things went through my head: This has been my fantasy forever, I've read about it so many many times; My car is running, I can't just leave it on, someone will steal it; look at those beautiful tits with fucking yellow nips!!; I know I hear someone in the other room; What do I do now??; This can't be real; For FOUR YEARS I've waited for this moment! This is WHY I became I delivery guy; Those TITS!!! All this and more registers in about two seconds time.

I take a moment and say, "Umm, those are great, but I need the money."

I need the MONEY?!?!? Granted she hadn't even given me enough for the total bill yet... but... I NEED THE MONEY?!?

She smiles and gives me a few more dollars. I say, "Thank you very very much." She smiles. I leave.

I can't wait for their next order...

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